"Razors, Lasers and Speed Dial....."

     Please pardon me for the rant I'm about to go on, but are we, as consumers, not getting a little carried away with things? We as a people have become so driven to having "the best of the best". It started off with cars, then electronics and now it's just spreading like wild fire to everyday consumer products. Next time you are out shopping for.....oh I don't know.....ANYTHING.....take a look around at how many options there are. It's overwhelming. It's ridiculous. There are not enough hours in the day to contemplate every little detail, color or added feature of the product you are about to buy. Take a look at razors. What used to be a single blade plastic razor has now turned into an entire half aisle at CVS of multiple options. What are we up to now? 7 blades? Every year, right around the Super Bowl, Gillette throws on another blade and a fancy new commercial. "For the closest shave ever.....the new Gillete OctoBlade.....8 Razors for the closest shave humanly possible." (Until next year when they add yet another blade.) Pretty soon we are just going to be running our bodies up against a wall of machetes. I think 3 blades was plenty. What do the 4th and 5th and various blades after that REALLY accomplish? Are we not just removing skin at this point. When they say closest shave possible, they really mean right down to the bone. Insanity at its best and we feed these marketing schemes on a daily basis.

     Uncrustables?! Here's a good one. You actually pay more for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that.....I'm gonna stop right there. WHY ARE WE BUYING PRE-MADE peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?! This is the height of laziness. Not only that, you are paying twice the price and HALF the sandwich has been CUT OFF!!!!! They've removed the CRUST! Have we become that ignorant?! Paper Towels.....Lord Almighty!.....Its a friggin' paper rag! An AISLE! Dedicated to wiping up messes! Sure, they will tell you all about the absorbent pockets that lock water in and hold strong so you can clean mess after mess after mess with the same towel. First of all.....BULLSHIT! I've tried the wet towel and marble trick and I still have marbles ALL OVER my kitchen floor. (Now I truly have lost my marbles). Secondly, GROSS! Are you really going to save that paper towel for the next mess?
"Honey I spilled again!....."
 "Don't worry, I saved the paper towel I used to clean up the dog piss on the kitchen floor. Make sure you put it back when you're done.....according to the commercial we got a good 6 or 7 more messes we can clean with that paper towel. It's on the counter beside the microwave.....right next to the Uncrustables!"

     The auto industry. Single handedly, they are making us the laziest people ever. I remember taking my driving exam and whether you passed or failed depended mainly on the ability to parallel park. Now.....they have cars that do it for you? Pull up along side another car, hit a button and kick back while your car maneuvers itself right into place. Let me ask.....What happens when that technology...ehhhhhhhh for lack of a better phrase....TAKES A CRAP! You're left in the middle of the street, holding up traffic, calling On-star from your Blu-Tooth to air lift your car into place because you NEVER HAD TO PARALLEL PARK!!! Laser sensors....on the back of our car to tell us (and this one just makes my head spin) if we are about to back into anything. Now, me as a pedestrian, would appreciate at least a courtesy head turn to check behind you and make sure YOU'RE NOT GONNA RUN ME OVER!!!!! I don't want my life dependent on a laser beam because you're too lazy TO USE YOUR REAR VIEW MIRROR!!! Do we really need this feature? "Hey IDIOT! You're about to hit a BRICK WALL! STOP REVERSING!!!" (That is what I imagine 5 years from now when they add voice to the sensory device.) I know people that don't know how to get home from work because they have GPS'd there way everywhere. EVERYWHERE! I get it. I do. I use it. I love it. I have it for back up. But for God sake, at least know where the hell you are. Because the last thing you want when you are stuck in Compton at sundown, is to wait for the system to process updates, while you dodge bullets and drug deals, while your car figures out HOW YOU GET TO YOUR HOUSE!!!

     If cars aren't making us lazy enough, our phones are now sucking any last bit of desire to think, from our very brains. Im not gonna lie, I am a HUGE IPhone proponent. Couldn't live without it. It does everything for you. Everything. There are applications that do anything you want. Balance your finances? There's an app. Count your calories? There's an app. It does everything but wipe your ass for you and I'm sure someone in Silicon Valley is hard at work to make that a reality. Voice activated toilet paper. The thing of the future. Slogan: "Now we don't even need to wipe our own ass." Short on friends? You got Siri. A built in robotic friend that will feed your ego and call you The Master of the Universe if you want her too. This one is truly disturbing to me. It's ripping our sense of interacting with people and our surroundings to actually learn something for a change. Tell me....how many people's phone numbers from your list of contacts can you actually dial? And without this coming off as a foreign concept, actually plugging the number in your phone using the dial pad. (The dial pad is that fancy arrangement of numbers that's buried in your array of applications on your phone. Because lest we not forget.....it's a phone.) "Speed Dial.....one step closer to Alzheimer's."

     Where is our wake up call? When is enough really enough? I'm not innocent in this. I'm guilty as charged. Dependency on technology is becoming a scary thing. It's not going to be an issue until there is so much bandwidth overload that our phones, computers, oversized TV's and wireless devices just explode right before our very eyes. Then where will we be? Right where we were before all these devices were even being thought up. We will be left with the brains of a 7 year old. Could you parallel park when you were 7?