"Leon.......Look What You've Done to My Tree"

     OK Everybody, for those of you that don't know my family, you get to meet an exciting new character. One that I am sure you will be introduced to again, but this story popped into my head last night and I figured I had to share it. Ladies and Gentlemen, meet my Grandpa Leon.

Now, before continuing with this story, I posted this picture for a couple of reasons. 1.) So you can put face with name and really get the derelict picture I am going to paint for you. 2.) Don't just gloss over the picture.....look carefully.....and this should set the tone for the tree I fell from. He is in his pajamas people. This was Christmas Eve. Look carefully under his pajama top.....Ahhhhh you see it?! Yup! He is STILL in his clothes. Pajamas right over the top. I asked him if he had an important business conference on Christmas morning that he needed to do a "quick peel" and roll out of bed for. So quick that he couldn't possibly take the time to CHANGE clothing.....nope.....just layer everything right over one another. Maybe this is how Cher does her costume changes so quickly. OK, we can continue with the story, but I feel the need to share this stuff with you.....I can't make this shit up. I love writing.....but truth be told....a lot of this ends up writing itself.

     Let's begin. Its about a week before Christmas and the hustle and bustle is at its best. My grandparents were visiting at the house, Christmas music playing softly in the back, my mother baking all of our seasonal favorite Christmas cookies.....how could anyone not be filled with the Christmas Spirit.....well, if you're my father and your Christmas tree has taken a turn for the worse, it's very easy to mope around the house at such a joyful time. Yes, we used to get a live Christmas tree that we would cut down ourselves and display in the front window with pride. Well this year in particular, our tree just wasn't getting the water it needed, and needle by needle our Tannenbaum turned into a Tannen-Bomb! My father's tragic behavior carried on for a couple days and we had all about had enough. These next events took place quickly and out of the blue.

     My mother had just taken off to work, my brother and I were probably enrapt in some Nintendo game, my sister.....probably trying to think of something constructive for my brother and I to do, Grandma on the couch nodding in and out of consciousness slowly to everything going on around her (who could blame her, Grandma Betty is so smart), Grandpa walking around, Coors Light in hand, milling about the house aimlessly looking for something to comment on. "Carmen (my dad)," he says, "This tree is looking awful sparse. Like it's withering away to nothing." Yeah that is exactly what my dad needed to hear. If there's one way to make someone feel better about something, point it out to them....throw it right in their face. So my dad replied back, "I know Dad, just don't touch it, the needles are very....." It was at this point that you could hear every last little needle that USED to be left on the tree, tinkling down to the carpet below, followed by some grumbled Italian phrase coming out of my father's mouth. You see, Grandpa Leon, God love him, he's like a kid. Tell him not to touch..... and before the sentence even finishes crossing your lips a bony beer chilled finger is in full extension toward the lifeless branch of the tree sending a needle clearing shock wave through the course of it's being. Well this was that straw.....you know the one that snaps the camels back.

 So my pops continues to pout and be pissed and the three kids get to deal with the aftermath. Grandpa Leon starts feeling guilty and in a flash is peeling back 20s for my sister and my Dad to go get a new tree.....2 days before Christmas.....With an exchange of glances and realization, that as insane as this sounded, we knew this ultimately would give my father the satisfaction he needed to make it through the holiday and quit his moping...because honestly...it was bringing us down. So my sis and my Dad are off to pick out a new tree. How my brother and I survived the next 45 min, is still unclear to the both of us. We were no sooner ripped from our Nintendo Nirvana and given the joy of helping to dismantle the tree. The lights needed to come off, the estimated 2000 Christmas ornaments needed to be taken off (this is a fact....people can attest to the number of ornaments on our tree) and what seemed to be my main concern and nobody else's was the 75 year old holly berry decorations that had been in the family and passed down to my Dad from his Mom. I knew how important these were and wanted to make sure they made their way off the tree. Well nobody heard me the first time I said it, and that was because Grandpa Leon was behind the tree, with the tail end of a string of Christmas lights, and in the same fashion you use to start a lawn mower.....he pulls the string of lights causing the tree to spin like a friggin' top. Well if there HAD been a needle or two left on the tree there wasn't anymore. But Hey.....the lights were off the tree. Grandma Betty and I were taking down ornaments and I mentioned once again, "Guys, the holly berries need to come off the tree. Dad has had these in his family for years." As I feel the tree being tugged away and maneuvered toward the door, Grandpa Leon replies back, "Never mind the friggin' holly berries....there's no time...." So I start frantically grabbing the berries I can find. I had a good handful of them and continued to grab more as my brother and I had no choice but to help get the tree onto our front porch, where we would launch it off the deck and into the yard below. Try to picture, my grandfather at the trunk of the tree and my brother and I at the top guiding it out the door, all the while I am grabbing berries like it's my job. My poor brother, gets to where his back is up against the railing of the deck and he can't go any further so he instructs my grandpa to stop pushing the tree. "OK Grandpa, stop. Give me a minute to maneuver," he said. (Grandpa Leon doesn't hear well.) So he keeps pushing. "Grandpa Stop! .....STOP!" My brother almost did a header onto our front lawn as my grandfather continued to push the tree over the porch. My brother and I exchanged looks of wide opened eyes and disbelief. It was at that point that my brother was able to somehow work his way out from behind the tree, he looked at my face and as if he was reading my mind he must have heard me telepathically say to him....."Anthony.....there's two more holly berries on your side of the tree that I wasn't able to get....." because as the tree got its final thrust over the porch he put out his hand and got the last two antique berries from the tree. "Whew!", I sighed, "The holly berries are safe." Meanwhile, Grandpa Leon couldn't see or hear any of this. He had no idea my brother almost took a swan dive with our tree. So naturally he looks at us, "Why the hell are you just standing there....there's work to do. And what's with the damn berries. Fling those things and let's get a move on."

     So now my father and sister return with the new tree, and no one even had time to notice the traumatic looks of disbelief and shock on our faces. Within 20 minutes, the tree was up.....the lights were on.....ornaments were back in place....and YES!!! The holly berries made it back to their rightful branches thanks to me!!! My sister had picked out a fancy new Burgundy tree skirt to go underneath and altogether it was such a remarkable difference. Life had been breathed back into our tree.....and my father, and so had the Christmas joy as his tree had been noticeably resurrected. There was no mistaking the new tree. Even from the front door you could tell from the fresh pine scent that was in the air. Aside from that, there were needles on the branches.....fresh full needles.....you would need to be down to your last brain cell to NOT notice that the tree was bigger, fuller and fresher.......(enter...my mother.) "Hey guys....what's going on." she said, as she enters the living room. "Not too much," we chimed back, figuring she would surely notice at this point as she was staring right at the new tree, with that innocent yet clueless smile she has. She continued in conversation about her night at work, and who came into the restaurant, etc. as the rest of us just sat there in disbelief, eyes like saucers wondering how she could NOT notice. A few minutes pass and my mother finally looks back at the tree......"Heyyyyyyyyy...." she said, "You guyyyyys....somethings different" (There it is....it's sinking in), "You guys bought a new tree skirt!".....The story of my life just writes itself.......