"The General.....An Introduction"

     This blog, as Im sure many others will be, is dedicated to yet another fine apple on the tree that I fell from. My mother, Kathy. My parents (and various other family members) will show up a lot in my blogs so I find it important that you get to know each of them with the same love and understanding that I have over the years. They are all gems and are primarily responsible for who I turned out to be. I wouldn't trade any one of them for anybody. We are going to take a little journey back to my childhood. I was probably about 11 or 12 at the time so......Wow! 20 years ago.....OK then,.....20 years ago my mother inherited a nickname given to her by my father. "The General".  As the story progresses you will find this name fitting and understand why this name has stuck right through to present day.

     It was Christmas time and we were all out on a family shopping trip. (I am starting to realize Christmas time seems to be a mecca for crazy situations in my family.....I will make it a point to find a comical Easter story in the near future.....) The three of us kids, my older sister Michele, my younger brother Anthony and I were belted in the back seat of our 4-door family sedan, a black "Chevrolet Celebrity". I know....we're fancy. We had just finished an outing to "Service Merchandise"for some holiday shopping deals, fun times and family stress. (One wouldn't think the fun would wear off for two middle aged parents with three restless kids that want to sit on every piece of lawn furniture, hide in racks of clothing and engage in rounds of "MOM! Tell Josh to stop looking at me" to which the reply was something like this, "Josh.....close your eyes.....you're looking at your sister again." But trust me, the fun wears off. So Mom and Dad get familiar with their wits ends and we are secured in the back of our luxury sedan for what is soon to become and endless trip home.

     With the plethora of malls and shopping centers in my hometown (and I say this in jest), everyone and their brother.....and sister....are usually all out at the same place like some big town reunion. This year it had happened to be "Service Merchandise. We had no idea what was in store for us or that it would be THIS difficult to exit the shopping center and be on our way home. We are in a line of cars, backed up from the road, through the parking lot and along side the store. Backed up to the point that we can barely make out the red light that we are waiting in line at. So to ease the chaotic antics of three siblings sitting within hair pulling and "dirty look" range, conversation about "who wants what from Santa", and "we had better be on our best behavior if we wanted Santa to bring us these things" ensued. It worked for all of about 7 minutes until someone's elbow jabbed someone's rib cage "accidentally" and all hell continued to break loose. With all of the conversation and childhood drama going on in the car we were failing to notice that we hadn't moved an inch in about 20 minutes. I mean.....we didn't even ROLL. There was absolutely no advance forward and it started seeming a little suspicious. Were people cutting line? Were we behind parked cars? (Trust me.....it happens) So now, in the next several minutes to follow, all our differences were put aside and we became a team again, simultaneously we all had the same idea to watch the red light and see how long it was staying red and how quickly cars were making it through the green light to get to their next destination. We watched and watched.....3 minutes.....5 minutes.....OK 10 minutes?!!! No Green light?! Something is wrong. Combined, it had been about a half hour since we had been in line until realization that the light was not changing from red to green. It was at this time that it seemed to be noticed by EVERYONE in line. People got out of their cars, arms waving, yelling, a few fingers up in the air.....

     "Dad....why is that man pointing to the sky with his finger?"
     "Josh.....not now....he's probably telling that guy the quickest escape route out of this line, now just be quiet and nevermind." (Seemed fair enough)

      Now.....being as far back as we were, with 3 children as a distraction, this is maybe 5-10 minutes past when it should have sank in that we weren't moving....but no big deal, understandable. But.....WHO IN THE HELL.....was in the front of this line? Who was that IDIOT at the red light that was just sitting there? Staring at the light going....."Well this is the longest red light I've ever encountered. I should probably get the Guinness Book on the phone. Guess I'll just wait it out." In the next few minutes, which are still a blur and happened all too quickly for children our age to have registered what our mother was about to do, I must indulge you in some background information.....

     .....My mother, being somewhat over protective and wanting to keep an eagle eye on us children, she made it her duty to become involved in the school system. Her and my Dad were active members in the PTA. Raised money for a lot of school activities and never missed a parent teacher conference from K-6. If that wasn't bad enough, my mother took it above and beyond and donated her time as a lunch monitor at the school. Fully equipped with her trench coat and whistle, it was next to impossible for any of us kids to EVER get away with anything at school. We had no choice but to do as we were told and obey every school rule because if we by chance stepped out of line.....Mom was watching. If our name was announced over the PA system to go to the principal's office....guess who was standing outside his door with arms folded and a disapproving scowl?.....Mom! I guess now I am thankful for her over protective tendencies but at that point in time.....it was next to nerve wracking.

     .....OK back to the car. Chaos is at full tilt with people everywhere. Yelling at one another, doors slamming and mass hysteria over a continuous red light. My mother....in the passenger seat starts getting fidgety. The three of us in the back could hear her deep breaths and panicky contemplations taking place. Bundled in our winter jackets and strapped in the back there was nothing we could do to stop what was about to happen. So our eyes just continued to widen as we watched in disbelief. She reaches for her purse and starts fumbling through papers, checkbook, lipstick, coins....Aha! There it is....she grabs her whistle and before my dad's reflexes had time to latch onto her arm to keep her in the car, she bolted. I mean a mad dash to the front of the traffic line to take matters into her own hands. Mind you, my mother is NOT a cop. She has never even volunteered as a cop (surprisingly enough her donated time went no further than keeping an eye on us at school). But by some act of God she stood in the middle of traffic....under the broken red light....and just started blowing her whistle. One hand extended to hold oncoming cars and the other making full circular motions to move the cars forward through the light. Like these motions came to her in a dream! At first people looked on as if this woman was crazy....(they have no idea) At this point in our life, it didn't really shock us, we were just concerned that our friends might be in nearby cars witnessing our family's craziness. But I got to give it to my motehr....people started moving. The three of us in the back slouched down in our seats so we weren't seen by any friends in a 2 mile radius and suddenly we felt the car moving. As the sounds of sharp whistle blasts got closer and closer to our vehicle I knew we were approaching the light. I could hear my mother's voice above the honking and traffic sounds commanding, "Move! MOVE! Come on! Let's move it sir! You have a line of cars behind you!" I couldn't believe.....my mother was directing traffic! We continued to roll forward and finally made it to the light. My dad flung open the passenger door and like a scene from a bank heist my mother gave one last sharp blow to the whistle and did one of those flying trapeze jumps into the car as my father peeled out from the red light.

     "The General" was born. It was moments like this day that will forever burn into your brain. Many people may look at some of my "life's happenings" and think....Wow! his family is crazy. Trust me, everyday I reflect the same affirmation....my family IS crazy. But I love them. They have made life worth living and the stories worth telling. So I continue to be proud of the seeds I sprouted from and have learned to take pride in the crazy. So let the introduction conclude to the "fountain of material" and someone you WILL get to know,.....my mother.....The General.