When Josh Got His Hair Did.....

     Let me start by saying after reading this I am already aware, I know I can be an idiot. As a matter of fact telling this story I often think...."Really Josh, COME ON!!!".....Let me begin.....

     I am going to bring you back about 7 years to when I first moved out to Los Angeles. I had some money saved and was job hunting (fast forward 7 years and here I am job hunting again but Im not gonna get hung up on that....that will be a whole different blog).....I was living with one of my besties, we will call her Becky. Well Becky's sister Bethany was coming out for a visit and a week of fun and while Becky was at work I was more than happy to step up and entertain, see the sites and explore L.A. While Bethany was pretty open to adventure and exploring she had one thing she wanted to do, and that was get her hair done and experience the raved about treatments at Amadeus Spa and Salon. I had no job and and an empty crossword puzzle book so I said "Sure, Ill come chill while you get pampered.....for 4.5 hours." Now I need to preface this story with Bethany's uncontrolled urge to refer to me as John. NOt really sure why, we grew up in the same hometown, hung out plenty of times prior, but still she kept calling me John out of no where. No offense taken but it's a big catalyst to where this story is going. OK back to the salon...so we arrive, and mind you I've never been in quite a pampering mecca like Amadeus. My idea of a hair cut is a Norelco shaver and 10 minutes of my time so this was a whole new world to me.

     I find my comfortable seat that would become my friend for the next half day of my life and am enjoying the sound of gentle fountains and blow dryers off in the distance. Bethany is full of excitement awaiting her upcoming primp job. After maybe 10 minutes a door opens from the back and in a beaming ray of light as if the heavens opened between a snack counter and a waterfall, out saunters what could be compared to a mythological siren with scissors and a beauty tool belt, let's call her Melanie. Melanie approaches our chairs with the gait of a unicorn and informs us that Eduardo is ready to see her now. "Well if Eduardo's ready you better hop to" I told Bethany. "You don't want to keep Eduardo waiting." So Bethany disappears to the back and I am left to my devices of crosswords and an occasional nap.

     Must have been 2.5 to 3 hours when I was shaken from a comfortable slumber dreaming of rolling waves and a picnic on the sands of Malibu to yet another voluptuous beauty approaching me. "John...she said". (This is where things start to go downhill), "They are ready for you in the back". So wiping the dream drool from my face I chuckle to myself, "John....OK Bethany, very funny, the John thing has gone on long enough, but I'll oblige." I assume Bethany is nearing the finish of her pampering episode and is ready for viewing in the back of what can only be the Garden of Eden behind the pearly gates of Amadeus. So I am handed a latte beverage for my trip to the back and am thinking, this treatment is great. To hell with the Norelco, free drinks? Do they have food? What's on the menu? Yep the way to my heart is food and drink. So I am following this girl to the back and she turns to me and says, (now brace yourself) "Would you like to keep your clothes ON, or strip down before you put on the robe?" (I know, lights should have went off, alarms should have sounded, all sort of things should have been going off in my mind wondering why I had the choice to be NAKED to see my friend's haircut.) But none the less, let me defend myself. Like I mentioned before, I have never been in a place like this, this is L.A.....land of the beautiful people, so I wanted to blend in. I wanted to seem like I fit, I DIDN'T want to do anything STUPID.....so naturally, I ended up in Stupidsville as the mayor of Bad Choices and took the first step to possibly the most stupid thing I could have done. The only thing that would have made me feel like more of an ass is if I had ACTUALLY gotten naked and put the robe on. So no, I didn't get naked. Being somewhat conservative I replied..."Uhhhmmmmm I GUESS Ill keep my clothes on and wear the robe over them." I know, smart. Well Im a thinker.

      So we get to the back and it is just an ocean of sinks and salon buzz it was almost too much for the human eye to take in at once, so in my overwhelmed state I didn't realize what was happening next. I was being sat down at a sink and reclined back with my head under a faucet. In the split second I had to think about this, I thought, Bethany is playing a joke on me or telling them to give me the works while she is being tended to, how generous is she? Thats awesome. And if it was some sort of joke I certainly wasn't going to let her get the best of me. So once again, I oblige and relax back for my head massage of shampoo and conditioning. (I know.....IDIOT!) I honestly do feel like a complete jackass when telling this story. But I swear I didn't know! I don't know the protocol of these places so Just went along with it....with EVERYTHING. So all is going great, hands are massaging my scalp, warm water is pouring over my scalp, supple breasts are floating above my face and I am just enjoying the treatment. Cue the coworker from stage left who comes to whisper something to the goddess tending to me. There is silence. Then more whispering. Then a shadow eclipses my face. Thats when I opened my eyes. She staring at me and I back at her so I flashed her a beautiful smile....ya know, to let her know she was doing a great job, and she then proceeds to ask me, "Are you John?" Now, talk about split second response, I quickly replied back, "No, Im Josh." She said, "I am suppose to be working on John". THIS is when it hit me, like a ton of bricks. I know, I know, a little late in the game, but Im a quick learner and a fast thinker. So I said the only thing I had any right to saying and that was...."Oh, I thought you said Josh. My bad." Now THANK GOD my name is Josh and not something like Arnold, that has no similarity to John whatsoever. Could you imagine that? "Oh John? I thought you said Arnold." Wouldn't have flown!

     So at this point both her and I are feeling like complete idiots. We laughed a bit, agreed that if she saw me here again using fake names for free hair washes she would have to report me, and that this hair wash was on the house and finally that she had better go find John. So with my robe still bundled over my clothing and my well massaged cranium and wet hair we take the walk of shame to the front sanctuary together. Well.....there was John, on tip toes looking around as if trying to find a friend at the airport. John was pissed. But I did my best to ease the situation, as we approached John I shook his hand, and said, "John? Josh. Nice to meet you. She washes a mean head of hair. Enjoy yourself now. Here's your robe." He wasn't having my levity but I didn't care. I had clean hair! And.....some of my iced latte left. So luckily my seat was still empty so I snuggled back in and worked a crossword until Bethany was done.

     A little more time had passed and Bethany was done. (I realized at this point, they don't bring people back for viewings. When they are done, they send them back out to the front to pay and get in their cars and go home. I guess like everywhere else.) Bethany pays and comes to get me and as she gets to my chair I look up at her and I said, "What took so long back there?".....to which she replied, "Why is your hair wet?".....