Just Get Rid of it Already...

     So I've decided to get an early start on Spring cleaning. I'm going through clothing, souveniers, odds and ends and clutter. Sounds easy? Well, here is a bit of advice I can give you. Do NOT attempt this alone. One of the most important things to utilize when Spring cleaning is a friend. A friend who has no attachment to your things and a level head. Make a pact with them before the cleaning starts and tell him/her the following..."My dear friend, here is how this is going to go down. As we progress in this cleaning expedition I will be clever, cunning and down right vicious to hold on to each and every one of these belongings. I will argue with you, I will come up with outlandish excuses as to why I need to keep these things, but you have a job to do. Talk me out of it. Out of every 10 things I try to save, your goal is to talk me into getting rid of at least 5 of them.....or you're fired. You can still be my friend, but our time cleaning together will come to an end. Can you handle this? Are you ready? Then let us begin."

     Recently, my dear friend Heather manned up and took on the job. And boy was she good. It started with my clothing. Now to give myself some credit, I was doing good at first. I was at the point where I just wanted to downsize and get rid of things. So old jeans, flannels and courdoroy pants all made their way to the Goodwill bag. I got rid of so many things and it was feeling great. Now we work our way to shoes.....this is where things started to get ugly. "Josh," she said, "you have a pair of shoes for each day of the year! We need to get rid of half of these!" Keeping my cool, I smiled.....my heart started beating rapidly and I sweat a little bit. As I was inches away from saying, "You're fired!" I tried to look at things rationally. On the verge of a breakdown I grabbed the bag and made my way toward my shoes. Sly as ever I created a diversion. "Heather! Look at all these clothes I got rid of." I needed to pull attention from the shoes. Heather replied, "I know....you're doing great! The shoes! Where do you want to start?" (Damn! I told you she was good. She's on to me. She sensed the diversion and got us right back on track.) "What are we going to do for lunch?" I asked. (Food....always my go to) "Throw away some shoes and maybe have a sandwich." she said. (This was not going to be easy). So not to be outsmarted, I did what I knew I had to do. Everyone at some point needs to make a sacrifice. I looked around for the perfect sacrificial lamb...a pair of old Adidas. Laces busted and re-tied together, the material scuffed and muddied and the soles a thread away from complete detachment. This hurt. I tossed them in the bag. One pair gone. That's plenty....I thought to myself. "OK I said, I want to feel like we've made progress, so let's tie up the bags we've filled and bring them to my car so I don't start second guessing what I've thrown away." "Great idea!" she said. (Haha! I've got her where I want her now.) So wel haul some bags down to the car.....manual labor. Movement. The type of work that makes one hungry. After loading the car we both realized the progress I had made. "So what are we thinking for lunch?" Heather asked. (Yes! Success! I knew the remainder of my shoes were staying with me).

     My plan had worked. We ate lunch and made our way back to our cleaning frenzy and I suggested starting with the bins of clutter that in some way shape or form had special meaning to me. Stuff I have collected from around the world and my travels, or gifts people had given me. Bin after bin, Heather was adhering to her job. I was doing good, but occasionally would come across something I physically and mentally did NOT know how to throw away....."Heather," I said, "How am I suppose to throw away Jesus on the cross? I feel like it's sacreligious." "Josh! He has a broken arm! He's not even hanging on the cross anymore, he's just dangling there." So I contemplated and repeated myself, "Yeah, but how do I throw it away?" "Like this!" she said, as she opened the bag and gave poor Jesus a vertical drop of about 5 feet into the Goodwill bag. I felt faint. Like a bolt of lightning would come crashing through my apartment and strike me and burn half of my shoes. But much to my dismay, nothing happened. I think we were gonna make it through this. This gave me the courage I needed to keep cleaning. If I made it through tossing "wounded Jesus" in the bag, I certainly have no business holding on to my old fishing vest (which my sister still gives me a hard time about wearing), water bottles from every convention known to man and enough pens to drop Bic off the Dow Jones.

     At the end of the day, it was a success. I got rid of so much clutter, I felt like I had room to breathe and me and my shoes would now have a ton of space to roam clutter free. It felt great. I thanked Heather, as I wouldn't have been able to do it without her. I still felt uneasy about something and I couldn't quite put my finger on it but I chalked it up to having a long day and figured it was the aftermath of tossing our savior to the Goodwill bag. So Heather left and life goes on I guess.

     I know some of you are wondering, what was it that was making me feel so uneasy? Well, honestly, I should keep it a secret, but I will tell you this much.....right now I'm realizing I need to get ready for a meeting with my financial advisor. Im still on my porch writing and Im in my pajamas and I need to get showered and ready to go. I should probably post this blog, get up and head in to get ready.....and hopefully I don't trip over the soles of my worn out Adidas.